I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize