you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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