I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
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My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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