That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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