I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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