I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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