Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
