when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
