I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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