You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
