names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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