So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I love having hate sex.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
