u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
