Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
