Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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