4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
