sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
