Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
