Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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