Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
