They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We need to get me chipped asap
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
