The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
