I just pynch a tree in the face
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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