Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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