My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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