I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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