'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
