I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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