You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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