Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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