last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
