Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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