yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
