i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
