She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
