well I can't set my house on fire every night
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
