I have demons in me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Randomize
