If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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