if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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