Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
