When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
