well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
