We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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