That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
