he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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