I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
