As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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