Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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