Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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