Yo dont text me then not text me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
