3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
