i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
