you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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