i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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