the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
