i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
