Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
