I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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