she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
