I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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