I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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