He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
