I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
