Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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