Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize