just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
