just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
