I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
