yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My brain says no but my pants say off.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
