are you still at the devil's house?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
