can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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