drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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