dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
